


everything's different, you turned it upside down

by cosmicocean



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Bisexual Todd Brotzman, Demisexual Dirk Gently, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sharing a Bed, the angst is light y'all i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 10:30:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21177950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicocean/pseuds/cosmicocean
Summary: It only hits Dirk approximately two days later.He can offer only vague excuses as to why (there was a case, there was a parade literally outside his hotel window, a man chased them with a tuba and tried to hit them repeatedly), but really, they’re not good excuses, it’s a fairly major event and it’s a little ridiculous that he somehow muffled it against all the background noise.As a result, it is only when they are back home and Dirk is in his own apartment, bringing a mug back to the kitchen when it abruptly occurs to him that, two days earlier, on a balcony, he kissed Todd on impulse.Dirk after the Pride comic released over the summer.





	everything's different, you turned it upside down

**Author's Note:**

> I had the opportunity to name this fic after a MIKA song and I gleefully took it.

It only hits Dirk approximately two days later. 

He can offer only vague excuses as to why (there was a case, there was a parade _literally outside his hotel window_, a man chased them with a tuba and tried to hit them repeatedly), but really, they’re not good excuses, it’s a fairly major event and it’s a little ridiculous that he somehow muffled it against all the background noise. 

As a result, it is only when they are back home and Dirk is in his own apartment, bringing a mug back to the kitchen when it abruptly occurs to him that, two days earlier, on a balcony, he kissed Todd on impulse. 

He drops the mug, trips over his suitcase, and goes sprawling. 

“_Ow_.” He glares at the cut in his hand from one of the mug shards. It’s not deep, just annoying. He sits on the floor, glowering at it. 

Is kissing friends something one’s supposed to do? Dirk’s reasonably sure no. He’s never kissed any of his friends. Admittedly, he hasn’t really had friends before. Did he kiss Thor? He doesn’t think so. He’d probably remember. Then again, he only just remembered now that he kissed Todd. He tries to remember if he kissed Thor. No, pretty sure. 

So it was probably weird. Todd probably thinks he’s weird now. He _was_ acting a _little_ weird afterwards. But not _overly_ weird? And it wasn’t the sort of weird that lasted very long. He was back to begin his normal grumpy but still fairly pleasant self fairly quick. And Todd tends to think he’s weird, anyway, so it’s probably back to normal. For Todd, anyway. 

Dirk gets up and heads for the bathroom, dousing the cut in antiseptic wash. It’s the sort of thing Farah would tell him to do. 

Did he _enjoy_ kissing Todd? 

It was a fairly quick kiss. Not long enough to acquire a treasure trove of information to parse through. Todd’s lips were softer than he might have imagined, if he’d ever imagined it before. When they met, he hadn’t been the sort to maintain the barest level of self care for things like chapstick, but he’s putting in the effort to be a little less grunge and more punk with a fundamental understanding of hygiene, so that wasn’t a factor. Not much time for technique (Dirk’s fault), so he can’t be sure of that. But it _was_ nice, in a way. Todd was warm, and it was a little tingly, and Todd had given him that soft face he likes. 

So the kiss was nice, and Dirk enjoyed it. Which means there’s a logical closing question to all of this. 

Would he like to kiss Todd again? 

He mulls this over as he bandages his hand. Kissing Todd had been nice. But he isn’t sure if it’s something he wants to do again, or even, _should_ do again. As he’s previously ascertained, one does not kiss their friends as a causal thing. So it would be very unfair to Todd to do so. Especially if, perhaps, Todd would like to kiss him (and that’s a whole other package to unwrap, whether that’s a thing), and if Dirk decides he’d like to kiss him again without any real intent behind it, then it’s only going to hurt Todd in the long run. 

So the only logical conclusion to be drawn here is _potentially, but will require more research first._

It’s science, really. Just like the kiss was. Dirk would dedicate a notebook about it (he’s trying out the implementation of notebooks to try and remember things other than _oh, I’m sure I’ll remember that later_), but he can’t be sure he won’t misplace it, and it would be a very private notebook. 

Dirk’s phone rings earlier in the morning than he’d like. He blindly reaches for it on his nightstand and groans inarticulately into it. 

“I don’t like it anymore than you do,” Todd mumbles down the line. “But we promised Farah we’d debrief about the case down the road and I know your alarm busted, so.” 

Dirk peers at the alarm clock on the nightstand. That’s right. He’d forgotten. “It seemed like a good idea yesterday morning.” 

“Before we were on a plane almost all day?” 

“Yes.” 

“Well, we’re screwed now, so get up. You don’t have to be pristine and put together. Just upright.” 

“It’s official case business. That means I do.” 

“_God_. Fine. Just try to be quick.“ 

He isn’t, predictably. He tries to rush his routine along, but he needs to shower, and pick out a shirt, and then a tie that looks flattering today, and then a jacket that goes appropriately with the whole thing. 

Todd is hovering outside his door when he opens it, bundled into a flannel and some extremely ratty sweatpants and glaring powerfully at him. 

“I know, I know.” Dirk locks the door. “I’m sorry.” 

“Your commitment to the aesthetic is too much.” 

“Significantly brave words from a man who looked at the aesthetic of lying in bed listening to Nirvana for eight hours and decided to stick to it for the majority of his life.“ 

Todd glowers even further. “I’ve switched it up recently.” 

“I’m just saying, men who inhabited stunning glass mansions for decades solely for the look do not get to throw any pebbles.” 

“That’s not how the saying goes.” They shuffle down the stairs. “And to be fair, some of that was the depression.” 

“How much of it was so you could look like you were in... some grunge band?” 

Todd’s lips twitch. “I will pay you five thousand dollars to name a grunge band right now.” 

“Well, I know for a fact you don’t _have_ five thousand dollars lying around at the moment, Todd, so I will spare you the uncomfortable life debt.” 

Todd turns his head away, but not before Dirk catches sight of his smile. He files it away to examine later. _Points in Todd’s favor- smile is very nice._

“What happened to your hand?” 

“Oh." Dirk attempts an artful shrug. Very laid back, very casual, very non-suspicious. “Dropped a mug.” 

“Was it one of the ones you especially liked?” 

“Mediocre at best, really." 

“If I don’t get caffeine, I’ll commit murder.” Todd’s retreated into his flannel like a turtle. 

“We’ve got nothing going on for the agency today other than this. You drink coffee, you can’t go back to sleep.” 

“..._god_. Yes. Okay. I can make it.” 

“I have the utmost faith in you,” Dirk tells him solemnly. “Myself, I am less certain. I will try not to fall over on you. If I do, I may die on top of you.” 

Todd flushes. “Please avoid that.” 

“I mean, there are worse ways to go.” 

“Just... stop talking.” 

Fair enough. It’s pretty early and conversations at an early hour are best avoided. Very wise on Todd’s part. 

When they get to their tiny offices, Farah doesn’t look any happier to be there than either of them. She’s hunched over her desk, glaring sullenly at the wood. 

“That kid kicking the back of your seat really get you yesterday?” Todd asks. 

She grunts. “Let’s get this over with. We had a case this week?” 

Dirk and Todd look at each other. 

“Yes?” Todd volunteers. 

“And we solved it?” 

“I’m fairly certain.” Farah gives Dirk a look. “No, no, I’m _definitely_ certain.” 

“We’ve debriefed. I’m going back to my apartment so I can sleep. I suggest you two do the same. Get up and go so I can lock the offices behind me.” 

“If I don’t eat something I’m gonna die,” Todd mumbles, hands shoved deep in his flannel pockets as they walk back. 

“You wanna go find something to eat and then we can go back and sleep?” 

“_Yes_.” Todd pulls the hood up on his flannel. “God, you have good ideas.” 

Dirk beams, feeling his cheeks go a little pink. Hm. There’s something. _Point in Todd’s favor- Dirk feels fluttery when he compliments him_. Which isn’t, strictly speaking, news, but as long as he’s compiling. “Let’s go to the place down the road with the croissants. I feel like I could go for something _particularly_ tasty at the moment.” 

Todd’s gripping his hot chocolate like a lifeline when he’s not taking bites of his spinach croissant. Dirk’s trying not to get his blueberry and vanilla croissant all over his chin. He’s not sure how he’s doing. They’re sitting on Dirk’s couch, on account of the fact his apartment is closer to the ground, and therefore the quickest to reach from the rest of the world. 

“You all right?” he asks. 

Todd grunts. “Mornings are bad. Breakfasts are good.” 

“That is true. The most valuable meal.” 

He blinks up at Dirk, looking sleepy and kind of adorable. He adds _adorable_ to the list. “Valuable?” 

“Yes. It’s both important to eat and contains the best kind of food.” 

“Yeah. Agreed.” Todd wriggles into his flannel a little more, like if he does, he can perhaps become one with it and be much more comfortable in general. “I really thought I’d be a morning person now that I have a job I like.” 

Dirk tries not to beam too much at the fact Todd likes being a detective with him. It’s perhaps a nonsensical reaction to have, considering he does actually know that, but he’s having it anyway. “Seems a bit silly of you.” 

“I could dream.” 

Dirk pats his knee a couple times. “If it makes you feel better, I was never under the impression you could ever become a morning person.” 

Todd glowers at him, cheeks a bit pink. “Thanks for the faith, Dirk.” 

“Oh, hush. I have faith in you for nearly everything else. I’m allowed a couple lapses every once in a while.” Dirk finishes his croissant. “D’you want to crash on my couch? This way you don’t have to move any more than you have to?” 

“…yes. Very much." 

Dirk’s apartment, while nicer than Todd’s, is currently not so nice that he has his own bedroom, so his bed is squashed up in the corner. He’s contemplated getting some nice curtains to set up around his bed to partition it off from the rest of the apartment. Maybe a fetching shower curtain. There’s an awful lot of fetching shower curtains in the world. 

What it means right now, however, is that Dirk has the perfect vantage point to watch Todd where he’s curled up on the couch, huddled under a blanket in his flannel. He looks at peace in a way he rarely does when he’s awake, face mashed into a pillow. His hair’s all in disarray, and it looks sort of fluffy. Dirk wonders if it would be nice to touch it. Then he wonders if wanting to touch Todd’s fluffy hair belongs on the list. Probably. Even if his hair _does_ look eminently touchable, which feels more like a stone cold fact than an indication towards Dirk’s proclivities vis a vis Todd. The fact he considers it a fact is probably indicative of the hair thing deserving a place on the list. His brain hurts. 

Todd, evidently, woke up at some point during all this, and Dirk now notices that he's blearily staring right back at him. 

“Are you watching me sleep?” he rasps. 

“I would think of it as me observing you whilst you lay in slumber.” 

“That makes it worse. What are you thinking about?” 

Dirk mentally flails for a moment. “…an assortment of fine and exotic cheeses.” 

“Course you were.” Todd yawns. “Speaking of, I’m hungry." 

“I probably have something to eat in the fridge.” 

Todd manages to get himself upright and staggers towards the kitchen, opening Dirk’s fridge. “You have a carton of orange juice and a single grapefruit.” 

“Odd, considering I don’t like grapefruit.” Todd walks over to the bed and swats at Dirk’s legs. “Ow. Unnecessary.” 

“Get up. We’re going to the grocery store.” 

They don’t bother to get out of their lazy clothes. Dirk would be wearing slippers if he thought he could get away with wearing them out of the house, and if he owned slippers. 

“Todd, should I buy slippers?” 

Todd’s inspecting a bag of apples. “Sure.” 

“Is that a genuine sure or is that _I’m busy so I’m going to tell Dirk whatever he wants to hear?_” 

Todd gives him an amused look. “Normally, the latter, but I don’t see any reason for you _not_ to buy slippers. Let me guess. Pink fuzzy ones? Wait,” he adds before Dirk can object. “You don’t like pink. Right. Yellow?” 

Dirk beams. Todd knows him so well. “Or slippers with cute animal faces.” 

Todd wrinkles his nose. “Those creep me out.” 

“Well, they won’t be _for_ you.” 

“Yeah, but I practically _live_ in your apartment, so I’ll have to _look_ at them.” 

Todd living in his apartment is… appealing. Todd’s clothes in his bureau. His shoes crowded in with Dirk’s. Waking up to him every morning, that little smile when Todd’s unguarded, wrapping his arms around him curled up in their bed, pressing a kiss to his cheek- 

…huh. He rears back a little. That’s… new. Very new. But also accurate? But also out of nowhere. Is this what an epiphany is? He feels like he’s had epiphanies before but not quite on this level and not quite this confusing and potentially exciting. 

“You’re staring at me again,” Todd says, looking up from putting the apples into their basket. “What is _up_ with you?” 

“Just… thinking about cheese. Again.” God, he’s got to come up with better excuses.

“All right, well, we’ll stop off and get some cheese.” 

“Ooh.” Dirk perks up, momentarily distracted from his new revelations. “Let’s get a port wine cheeseball and watch movies.” 

“Hey, you’re the one evidently consistently fantasizing about cheese, you get to make the calls about what kind of cheese we get.” 

“One of these days,” Todd says, safely ensconced under Dirk’s big bright green blanket. “We’re gonna need to learn how to cook.” 

Dirk piles more cheese onto his cracker than what could be called, strictly speaking, “necessary”. “I don’t see _why_.” 

“We’re _grown men_, Dirk. We have to learn how to make food like adults do.” 

“I make food like adults do.” 

“Peanut butter and jelly doesn’t count.” 

“What about-“ 

“Neither does mac and cheese.” 

Dirk sniffs. “You’ve got a lot of arbitrary _rules_, Todd.” 

Todd grins and turns his attention to the movie. Dirk ostensibly does, too, but he really can’t stop thinking about things _other_ than the movie. Like Todd. He is thoroughly preoccupied by Todd. 

The thing is, Todd _does_ have fluffy hair. And his smile is nice. And he’s so kind, so much kinder and braver and sweeter and better than he gives himself credit for. And he knows Dirk _so_ well, well enough to know what colors he likes, and what foods, and how to calm him down when he spirals out, and when Todd compliments him, Dirk feels warm and delighted and he’s just generally all around excited and happy to get to be in his life and around him- 

And, well. He’s starting to put some things together, that maybe this isn’t just what having a best friend is like, and he’s never really been _in love_ before, or really interested in anything approaching love or romance. He thought it was more a thing other people did, like parasailing or paying for cars. 

He’d always known Todd had completely changed his life. He just hadn’t been aware to what extent, until now. 

Which now begs the question. When to talk to Todd about this? 

Or even, _should_ he talk to Todd about this? 

The answer for most anything else would be a resounding _yes._ This would be almost entirely due to the fact that he talks to Todd about _everything._ Todd knows about Blackwing and everything that went on there. He knows about Dirk’s insecurities, his anxieties. He’s seen all sides of Dirk, the good and the bad, and he’s the person Dirk trusts more than anyone in the world. 

But. 

This is a big one. A big meatball, as Todd says sometimes, right before Amanda calls him a dork. Potentially the biggest meatball there is. Not to mention he can’t be sure if Todd feels the same way. _That_ will require even more research before he says anything. He’s not going to jump off the deep end, for once. He’s going to be a person who treads carefully. Like a… careful… treading… thing. Maybe a goat? He’s never seen a goat in person before, but he’s heard they’re surefooted, which is probably the same thing as treading carefully. 

The fact that he is abruptly terrified that perhaps Todd doesn’t feel the same way and he’s going to fuck this whole thing up and be absolutely miserable for the rest of his natural life has nothing at all to do with this decision. 

“Jet lag’s got you all kinda fucked up, huh?” Todd says, looking over at him. 

“Hm?” 

“You’re all spacey.” 

“Oh! Yes. Jet lag. Very… laggy.” 

Todd grins at him. “Drifting away and thinking about cheese is very on brand for you.” 

He rolls his eyes. “I’ll have you know there’s weirder things I could drift away and think about. Like… emus. Or taxes.” 

“Taxes would imply that you know how to do math.” 

“Rude.” 

“But accurate.” 

“Accuracy does not excuse rudeness.” 

Todd grins at him, and Dirk wonders how he ever lived without that grin, the one that knocks him right off his feet, even when he’s teasing him. “I’m sure you’ll power through it.” 

Dirk keeps a closer eye on Todd over the next couple weeks. He’s a detective, so he figures he might as well try and figure out the case of Todd by detecting. He looks for anything out of the ordinary, anything that indicates Todd might have felt different since the kiss. Presumably, he thinks, it would be something revelatory for him, too, and he won’t deny that he’s got a tiny bit of hope that maybe Todd will act first as some kind of proof that he does actually feel the same way about Dirk. 

But there’s no flash of inspiration, it would seem. Nothing different from how Todd normally is, fond and irritable and oddly insistent that Dirk stop trying to scale walls even though he knows that one of these days he’s going to pull it off. Todd is as Todd ever is, which is extremely wonderful, but regrettably lacking in any apparent interest in Dirk. Or kissing Dirk again, which he’s been thinking about _very much_, and he’s not sure he can get used to _that_, he’s never dreamed about kissing anyone in his _life_ and now he is _constantly_ contemplating what it would be like to kiss Todd properly this time, in a way that he would _definitely_ remember sooner than two days later. He can’t tell if he’s a poor detective or if there’s just nothing there to detect.

Dirk is trying to make a plan. Plans aren’t especially his thing, but he’s trying his best. Step one of the plan is _continue to monitor Todd for any chance of potential romantic type feelings_. Step two is _try not to panic._ Step three is _wing it._ He’s currently towards the tail end of the first step, steadily working his way towards the second step, and warily eyeing step three in the distance, waiting to see who blinks first. 

This plan, naturally, is all forgotten the second Todd is kidnapped. 

The next forty eight hours are spent running around, trying to get tabs on their most recent client, Everly, who’s abducted Todd, a man who has an awful lot of guns and a tendency to create holes in the sky. There’s contacting Amanda, gathering intel, some crying (from Dirk, when he’s alone, in little fits), gathering the full force of the Rowdy Three, the horrifying fear that Todd is going to die, and the additional fear that Todd is going to die without ever having known exactly how Dirk feels. 

By the time Dirk charges into a basement armed with a sledgehammer he feels barely confident in his competence with while Farah chases down Everly and the Rowdies plus Amanda cause havoc in the rest of the abandoned warehouse he’d been hiding out in, he feels like he’s nearly insane, and seeing Todd slumped on the floor, face down inside a crudely constructed cage, definitely isn’t helping. He swings the sledgehammer into the lock until it breaks, and then throws the door open, dropping the sledgehammer. 

“Todd.” He kneels down and pulls Todd up into his lap. He’s got blood on his face and looks like he was roughed up a little. “Todd. _Todd._” 

Todd’s eyes flutter open and he grins. 

“Hey,” he rasps. “It’s you.” 

Relief floods Dirk that he’s together enough to recognize him. “Yeah. It’s me. How’re you doing?” 

He coughs a little. “Rough couple of days.” 

“Sorry I didn’t come sooner.” 

“It’s okay.” He’s still grinning a little dopily. “You always come eventually.” 

Dirk swallows. 

“Come on,” he says. “We should get going.” 

He helps Todd up and slings an arm around his waist to help him up the stairs. Todd’s leaning pretty heavily against him, his head pressed up against his shoulder. 

“I think I might monopolize your couch for a little while,” Todd mumbles. 

“You can plant a flag on it that says _sole property of Todd Brotzman_ if you want.” 

“Too much effort.” 

“I’ll put it there for you.” They’re up the stairs. “Reserve it special.” 

“My legs are heavy.” 

Dirk feels a pang of alarm. “Are you hurt in them?” 

“No. Just tired.” Todd yawns. “I got hit a _whole_ lot.” 

Dirk contemplates punching someone for the second time in his life, namely, tracking down Everly wherever Farah’s no doubt handily dealt with him and kicking him a few times for good measure. “I can tell.” Dirk makes a decision. “Okay. Come on.” 

“Oh god, do I have to go anywhere?” 

“No, but you have to promise not to kick my ass _or_ yell at me later if I drop you.” 

“Oh my god,” Amanda says, panicked, as Dirk _finally_ finds her and Farah. 

“He’s fine,” Dirk says quickly, well aware that the fact that carrying Todd in his arms is not a great look. “He’s just bruised and tired, and kind of heavy.” 

“Asshole,” Todd mumbles. 

“Come on.” Farah jerks her head towards the exit. “Let’s get to the van.” 

Todd spends the ride leaning against Dirk. Dirk hesitates, then puts an arm around his shoulders. He doesn’t seem to mind, resting his head against Dirk’s shoulder. 

“I was so worried about you,” Dirk whispers. He can’t help it, needs to get the weight of how terrified he was off his chest. 

“M’here now.” 

“Yes. I’m... very pleased.” 

“Good.” 

Dirk helps Todd up the stairs. He’s not quite capable of carrying him up them, but he lets Todd lean on him as much as possible. He gently helps Todd onto his couch, and he sags into it like it’s the best thing he’s ever done. 

“You’re sure he’ll be okay?” Amanda asks, looking down at him worriedly. 

“Yes.” Dirk gives her a wan smile. “Hunch.” 

“No need to debrief on this one.” Farah looks weary. “We all get it. Amanda and I are going out for dinner which will probably have... many drinks.” 

Amanda nods. “Sounds good to me.” She puts a hand on Todd’s legs. He grunts. “Don’t die.” 

“Do my best.” 

Amanda looks at Dirk. “You’ll look after him?” 

“Always.” 

She nods again. She and Farah leave, and Dirk kneels down by Todd. 

“I have some of your comfy clothes here,” he tells him. There’s always a change of clothes for Todd in his place. Usually more than one. “Do you want me to get them?” 

Todd nods. 

“Are you going to be capable of getting into them by yourself?” 

Second nod. Dirk fetches the clothes and Todd picks them up and stumbles off to the bathroom. Dirk busies himself with getting blankets and pillows. 

“You can sleep in my bed, you know,” he tells Todd when he emerges from the bathroom. 

Todd shakes his head, then winces. “Couch is fine.” 

“It’s a small couch, Todd, it’s really no-“ Todd sways on his feet a little and Dirk quickly rushes to support him. “Nope, come on. Bed. You’ve been overruled.” 

“I-“ 

“Don’t doubt my overruling power, Todd, it’s great and mighty.” He helps Todd into the bed and then settles the blankets and pillows around him. “There. Don’t fight with me anymore, because I’m very good at making annoying noises until people give in to make me shut up.” 

“That is true.” Todd looks half asleep already. “You’re very good at making annoying noises.” 

Dirk moves to take the couch, ready to track down his bright green blanket. Todd reaches out and grabs at his wrist and Dirk pauses, heart jumping at the unexpected contact. 

“M’not kicking you out of your own bed.” 

“I." Although certainly not _unwanted_, this is completely unexpected and therefore very tricky to prepare for or respond to. “I’ll be fine, Todd, I’ll have my trusty blanket-“ 

Todd raises his head from the pillow slightly to give him a half grin, still sort of dopey, and even with his face all banged up Dirk’s a little breathless at the sight of it. “Chicken.” 

“Are you-“ Dirk splutters. “Are you _goading_ me? I can goad you right back, I’ll have you know, and _better._”

Todd doesn’t let go of his wrist. “Please don’t go.” 

Dirk’s stomach swoops a little. And that gets to the heart of it, really, right down to the center of his feelings about Todd, and he knows that even if they were platonic, he would never be able to say no to Todd like this, quiet and honest about needing help in a way he always struggles with. 

“Let me change,” he says, swallowing thickly. “And I’ll be right back.” 

Dirk, naturally, has proper pajamas, because he’s not an _animal_. Once he’s in his comfortable light blue ones, he stands apprehensively by the bed where Todd already looks nearly asleep. The problem, of course, isn’t that he doesn’t want to be in the same bed as Todd. The problem is that he very much _would_ like to be in the same bed as Todd, and is entirely unsure as to the level of appropriate enthusiasm he’s supposed to show here for the sake of appearances. He manages to shake himself out of his mild existential crisis with the fact that Todd specifically asked for him to be here, when he doesn’t ask for anything important, and that this means dithering about appearances is only prolonging the situation of not doing what Todd’s asked.

Todd makes a sleepy, slightly startled noise when the bed dips as Dirk gets into it. 

“Did I wake you?” Dirk whispers. 

“Little. S’okay.” He reaches out and puts his hand back on Dirk’s wrist. “Thanks.” 

Dirk hesitates, then pulls his hand up a little so Todd’s hand is resting in his. He waits to see if Todd will flinch away, ready to withdraw if he needs, but Todd’s hand closes around his and they lie there just like that, Todd’s eyes closed and Dirk unable to stop watching him, all the deep anxiety he’d felt over Todd’s abduction slowly simmering down the longer their hands are clutching each other. 

“Any time,” Dirk whispers. 

When Dirk wakes up, he is wrapped around Todd, holding him tightly against his chest, his face pressed up against his hair. It could smell better. Todd needs to take a shower. He’s still grateful for the warmth and for his presence, for how right he feels in his arms. He feels almost dizzy with it. 

Todd snuffles slightly as he wakes up, and Dirk’s abruptly reminded that they don’t actually do this. He goes very still as Todd shifts a little. They’re both quiet for a moment. 

“Did I tease you into sleeping in the bed?” he rasps. 

“Yes, a little bit. It’s fine, though. I actually didn’t have any problem with it, just… didn’t want to crowd you.” He thinks that’s probably easier to say than _you needed me and I’ll do whatever you need for as long as you need it._ Would probably just embarrass them both. “Do you, um. Do you want me to let go, or-“ 

“No,” Todd quickly corrects. “No, no, it’s… fine.” 

They lie there in silence, Todd slowly relaxing against him. Dirk tentatively pulls him tighter. He relaxes even further. It’s the sort of thing Dirk’s dreamed of. Literally, at this point. 

“My face hurts,” Todd says eventually. 

“Oh! Right. I have ice packs in the freezer.” Reluctantly, he gets up and heads for the kitchen. Todd sits up slowly, resting his back against the wall. Dirk hands him an ice pack and he presses it to one of the bruises on his face. “We get hurt often enough that it felt wise. How are you feeling?” 

“Kind of achy and shitty.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Todd gives him a wan smile. “I can’t believe you own real PJs.” 

Dirk sniffs. “It’s because I’m an _adult_, Todd.” 

“All I need is a tee shirt and a pair of boxers.” 

“Because you live like a college student even though you’re a grown man.” Dirk tilts his head back against his wall. “I’m thinking about getting curtains.” 

“You’ve got curtains.” 

“Not for the windows.” He gestures vaguely. “To block off the bed from the rest of the apartment. You know. Make it more like a room.” 

“Yeah. That sounds nice.” Todd shifts the ice pack a little. “Shower curtains or curtains curtains?” 

“Whatever’s cheapest, I suppose.” 

“My dad taught me how to sew, you know. I could try curtains.” 

“Really?” 

He shrugs. “I feel like I’ll be down for the count for a few days, anyway.” 

“I didn’t know you could sew.” Dirk beams at him. “You’re so clever.” 

He thinks Todd goes a little redder underneath the bruises still on his face. “S’just sewing.” 

“Yes, well. It’s much appreciated.” 

“We can go look at fabric today, if you wanted.” Todd pulls the ice pack down. “Don’t know how I’m gonna explain my face, though.” 

“Fight club,” Dirk says instantly. He’s never seen the film, but he’s sure there’s plenty of punching. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

Todd grins. “Do I look like someone who would be in a fight club?” 

“I dunno. You’re very angry. I’m sure that’s a prerequisite.” 

Todd laughs, putting the ice pack back up to his face. 

Dirk doesn’t know anything about fabric, but Todd does, so they browse the fabric store while Dirk points out colors he likes and Todd tells him what’s feasible. In the end, he picks out some nice turquoise fabric, and they stop at the grocery store on the way. Dirk lets Todd pick out whatever he wants. He feels he’s earned it, what with the being beaten up and all, and he’s possessed by the odd but not entirely unwelcome urge to take care of Todd. It feels like sort of an offshoot of his general want to make sure Todd’s all right in every possible way. 

They spend most of the day sitting on the couch, Todd squinting at the fabric with a needle, and Dirk pretending that ferrying coffee and food back and forth and watching Todd like a hawk is something he does every day. The only time he leaves his immediate proximity is to get more clothes for Todd from his apartment, which he tries to make as quick as possible. 

The next few days continue much the same. They spend all their time in Dirk’s apartment, Todd going out sometimes for lunch with Farah and Amanda, Dirk staying in and doing laundry and cleaning up a little. 

The other thing that continues is the two of them sleeping in the same bed, Dirk always waking up holding Todd. 

Neither of them are talking about it. Dirk’s not sure if they’re _supposed_ to be talking about it. It feels like the sort of thing they should talk about, but neither of them are, and Dirk’s too concerned about upsetting the very delicate apple cart they have going on right now to bring it up. So they just keep doing the same thing, and Dirk struggles to tell if he’s happy or if his heart is hurting at the situation. Both, he thinks. 

“There’s something up with you,” Todd says while they’re sitting on the couch with mugs of cocoa, watching TV while Todd sews. 

Dirk sniffs. “There’s never anything up with me.” 

“There’s _always_ something up with you. But something is more up than normal.” 

“We call that the _sky,_ Todd.” 

Todd narrows his eyes at Dirk. “You really wanna antagonize the guy holding the sharp and stabby thing right next to you?” 

“I think if time has proven anything, it’s that I will waste no opportunity to antagonize you.” 

“That’s true.” Todd returns his attention to the curtains. “I’m going to figure it out, you know.” 

“Of course you will. You’re an excellent detective.” 

He flushes, narrowing his eyes even further. “I can’t tell if you’re complimenting me or fucking with me.” 

“Well, strictly speaking, I’m doing both.” 

“Dick.” 

Dirk just laughs, trying not to look at Todd with heart eyes any more than normal, because really, Todd _is_ an excellent detective, and he doesn’t know how many clues it’ll take before he picks up on it. He doesn’t know if he’s ready for that just yet. 

“I feel like we should have asked someone else to do this,” Todd says, his arms full of curtains two days later. 

Dirk sniffs, not looking at him as he focuses on using the drill. “It’s _fine,_ I’m doing _exactly_ what the Internet says.” 

“Yeah, cause going-“ Todd puts on his shitty English accent, holding up the curtains for him. “_It’s fine, I’m doing exactly what the Internet says_ has never gone wrong in the history of the world.” 

Dirk turns on the drill. “_I’m so sorry,_” he yells. “_The drill’s so loud, I just can’t hear you, isn’t that coincidental._” 

He drills the curtain rods in carefully. It’s a little tricky because the curtain rod curves around as opposed to being just against a wall like in a bathroom, but he manages. He steps off the stool carefully, Todd taking hold of his arm so he doesn’t fall. He puts the drill down and yanks the curtains so they partition off his bed and nightstand very neatly. He beams. It looks fantastic from the outside and can only assume it will from the inside. 

“They look wonderful,” he tells Todd. “You did an excellent job.” 

Todd goes red. “I did fine.” 

“_Wonderful._” 

“_Fine._” 

Dirk huffs. “Todd, for _once_ in your life, will you _stand there_ and let me _compliment_ you before turning it into the Olympics of self deprecation and refusal to admit you’re capable of anything?” 

Todd does that thing with his lips where he purses them to keep from smiling. 

“Fine,” he says. “But I’m not going to enjoy it.” 

Dirk gazes at him as he looks back at the curtains. Despite all his protesting, there’s something a little satisfied about the expression on his face, like he’s content with the job he’s done. He’s soft and unguarded the way he gets around Dirk, his face nearly healed up, and looking at him in this moment, Dirk suddenly can’t think of one better to go out on a limb on. 

“I’m in love with you,” he says. 

Todd stares at him. 

“Because...” he answers, sounding a little strangled. “Because I made you curtains?” 

“The curtains,” Dirk tells him primly, trying to pretend that he is, on the whole, much calmer and much more okay with his sudden act of vulnerability than he actually is. “Are ancillary.” 

“Oh.” He looks a little stupefied. “So you’re…” 

“In love with you. Yes.” 

“Are… are you sure?” 

“Extremely. I’ve thought it over extensively.” 

“Really?” Todd’s starting to both sound and look panicked. “Because, because there’s a _lot_ of people in the world, Dirk, and the idea that out of all of them, you, you might have just _run_ into-“ 

“No,” he interrupts before Todd can start fully spiraling. “It’s you. I’m positive. I think it’s been you for quite a while, but, well, I didn’t know that it wasn’t just… normal best friend feelings.” 

“But they’re not.” 

“Correct.” 

“And you’re-“ 

“Todd, if you ask if I’m sure again, I’m strangling you with the curtains.” 

“Yup.” Todd nods quickly, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Yup, yup.” 

“It’s you. And if it’s not… me, then that’s fine.” It’s probably not fine, it’s going to suck very much for him probably all the time, but it is _essential_ to pretend that he will be fine, because he doesn’t want to bully Todd into this. “You know, that’s just… that’s fine. That’s just how it is sometimes, and I can live with that. But I couldn’t stand not telling you any longer, hence me, you know, telling you.” 

Todd swallows, still looking a little dazed. 

“When, uh.” He swallows again. “When did you figure it out?” 

“I…” Dirk rubs the back of his head. “Started putting it together after I kissed you.” 

“Oh.” Todd’s face flames up. “Yeah, I, uh. I wondered what was up with that.” 

“Sort of an… impulse decision that I only thought about extensively after it had happened.” 

“Yeah.” Todd’s smiling. Is that promising? Or is that the kind of smile he gives before he lets someone down easy? He doesn’t know. “You have a lot of those.” 

Dirk gives him a look, vaguely affronted. “I’m pouring my heart out to you here, Todd.” 

“Sorry.” He clears his throat. “I, uh. It’s you, too. For me. For a while.” 

“Oh.” Dirk’s face feels a little hot all of the sudden as his stomach swoops abruptly. “Um. Yes. That’s… that’s good. I’m extraordinarily glad to hear it.” Explains why he hadn’t seen anything particularly different after he’d kissed him. It was always the same for him even before that. It’s a bit of a relief for Dirk to know that he’s actually not a terrible detective, among all the other things that he’s relieved about at the moment.

Todd’s face breaks into a wide grin. “_Extraordinarily glad to hear it,_” he mimics. 

He huffs, feeling a bit like there’s an inflated balloon inside of him, unable to stop smiling. “I’m taking it back." 

“Nah.” Todd’s grin is so sunny that Dirk feels a little warmed by it. “You’re not.” 

“No,” Dirk agrees comfortably. “I’m not. Can I kiss you again? I mean it this time.” 

Todd looks startled. “Yes. You could do that.” 

“Okay.” Now that he’s not doing it on the fly, Dirk's a little more uncertain, which is really true of everything that’s happened in his life up to this point. He stops after he takes a step towards Todd. “Oh god, now I’m in my head about it and what if I fuck it up and what if, even worse, I fuck it up _spectacularly_, as is my wont to do, in situations where something _could_ be fucked up spectacularly-“ 

Todd closes the gap and kisses him. Dirk’s still talking when he does so, so it’s awkward for about three seconds while his brain catches up to his surroundings. Then it’s still a little awkward for another second because he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. Then he puts them on Todd’s shoulders, tentatively, then his neck, and decides that’s a good place for them to be. Then it’s a little warm, and slow, and soft, and maybe a little tentative on Todd’s end too, like neither of them can maybe believe this is actually happening, and on the whole, he thinks, very excellent, if he was going to be rating things. 

It takes him a moment to realize Todd’s not kissing him anymore. He blinks, looking at Todd, who’s gone a little red. 

“Thanks,” he whispers. 

“Yeah, well.” Todd shrugs a little, smiling a bit. “You were the one who actually had the guts to say it first, so I figured, y’know, I could do this part.” 

“Well. _Technically_ I’m also the one who first had the guts to actually kiss you.” 

Todd’s smile bursts into a full blown grin. “No, nope, that absolutely does not count.” 

“Sure it does. I was the first one to do it, so it counts.” 

“Okay, how long did it take you to remember you’d done it the first time?” 

Dirk pulls a face, still very aware that Todd’s hands are resting on either side of his neck, and are very warm. “Well, if I was to venture a guess, just a haphazard conjecture, obviously-“ Todd nods along very seriously, which he’s doing _just_ to fuck with him, which is _rude_. “I would estimate that it took me somewhere in the vicinity of perhaps two days for the precise recollection to hit.” 

Todd laughs. It’s such a good laugh. “Then you don’t get to claim that counts for _shit_.” 

“I can claim anything I want. In fact, considering _that’s_ the event that precipitated my realization of feelings, I would argue that it counts more than anything.” 

Todd’s face works the way it does when he doesn’t want to admit that Dirk has a point. “…fine. It counts for something. But it doesn’t count for this one. I get the points for this one.” 

“I don’t see why you’re so fixated on _points_, Todd.” 

“If I _had_ given you points for it, would you be saying the same thing?” 

…shit, that’s a good point. “…potentially.” 

Todd laughs again, and Dirk wants to get distracted by it, a little bit, maybe always. “You’re such an _unbelievable_ pain in my ass.” 

“Yeah.” Dirk beams. “But you’re okay with it.” 

“Yeah,” Todd agrees, looking extremely fond. “I am." 

**Author's Note:**

> I started this MONTHS ago and finished it tonight. It's a running theme with me lately, evidently.
> 
> This is my first time writing a demisexual main character, and if I got anything flat out wrong or even just a little bit wrong, please let me know! I wasn't sure about having it sort of crash into Dirk all at once there, but I kind of thought Dirk and epiphanies go hand in hand. If that doesn't track, though, let me know.
> 
> [Because I need a reference image for everything, here is a picture of what Dirk's pajamas look like.](https://slimages.macysassets.com/is/image/MCY/products/0/optimized/1261560_fpx.tif?op_sharpen=1&wid=500&hei=613&fit=fit,1&%24filtersm%24)
> 
> [And here is one for the curtains.](https://pin.it/rd3zne4bw2vzm3)
> 
> [Every once in a while one of my fics gets a bunch of comments in a cluster from different users, and I’m pretty sure at this point it’s because it’s been recced. Which is exciting! But I’d love to see it when it happens, so here’s a link to my tumblr! Feel free to tag me!](https://cosmicoceanfic.tumblr.com/)


End file.
